Sunday, March 3, 2013

The last beginning.


I'm back.  For now at least.  Who knows how long that will be.  Xanga seems to be the only blog I stay truly true to.  I think that's more out of habit than necessity though.  The only thing special about xanga is it was the first blogging site I used and therefore the one I slip into easily enough.

I've decided I want to branch out though.  This blog is now going to be a mix of health/beauty/weight loss stuff.  And on top of that, I might start blogging about my mailing hobby again as well.  For now though, I want to focus on a lifestyle change here.

Summer 2012.  My heaviest weight.  I'm 264lbs here.

It'd be better if the shot were taken of my standing up so you could truly see how I look for comparison later on when I (hopefully) lose weight.  At the time of the photo I wasn't thinking about before and after pictures. So it'll just have to do.

So this is the 'beginning' of my journey.  I will not start over again.  This is where I'm going to be accountable.  

I want to be healthy.  I want to be happy.  Above all else, I do not want to be morbidly obese anymore.  It's preventing me from doing the things I enjoy doing.  I feel so consumed, so lifeless.  Depressed.  Self Hatred, despite trying to stay positive about myself.  I am better than a mindless black hole who will eat anything and everything and sit on my ass for hours a day.

Permanent change.  That's what I strive for.  If I stumble, I'll catch myself instead of crying on the ground reaching for another cookie.


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